The Story of Hot Mess Mollie (Thank You for 1,000 Views!)

I started my first website in 2008. I never thought this is where I would end up. I owe my thanks to you.

I started my first website in 2008ish. It was done on webs.com, then called freewebs, I believe. The title of my website was Peggy’s Post. I didn’t want anyone to know who I was, but I wanted to help other people that were going through what I was–bullying. My self-esteem was in the toilet, and my anxiety was just barely leaving breadcrumbs of its beginning. I thought that if I could just stay positive, and help other people like me, I could make it through.

I set up Peggy’s Post with features where I could be contacted, asked questions, and respond to those that were reaching out for help. I wanted to give advice. Peggy’s Post is just a faint memory for me now, but I do vividly remember asking my mother for permission to create it, and both of us looking at a computer screen and starting something we both knew nothing about. “Why do you want to do this?” she asked.

“So I can help other people.” I answered.

Naturally, with no understanding on how to create or manage a website, Peggy’s Post failed and quickly became a thing of the past. I would go on to continue writing in multiple different ways, but my next website, a blog, would not be created for another 8 years.

In May of 2016, I was experiencing the end of a relationship. As I’m sure you can imagine, the emotions I had at that time were all over the place. I needed an outlet. I had a lot to say, and I felt like no one was listening. (They were, but that’s beside the point.) To find that outlet, I decided I would start a blog.

A blog was an idea I had toyed with on and off since my immature idea of Peggy’s Post in ’08, but never committed to. 2016 was the time.

Using Weebly, I created Hot Mess Mollie. This would obviously come to be the first version, but I was unaware of that fact when I created it. Hot Mess Mollie seemed to fit when it came to choosing names. I felt more like myself than I had in a few years, but life also felt like a hot mess.

After creation, I moved on to write my first post, the one about my break-up I had originally intended to write, and was immediately floored with the relief it gave me. I shared the link on Facebook, and I don’t think anyone really gave it a second glance. Regardless, I felt better.

I went on to write a few more posts through June–one of which you can find here–and then stopped. For me, blogging has never been about the views, the potential for monetary gain, or the “fame.” It’s about having something to say. That being said, having something to say feels a lot more valuable when you know that people are hearing it.

Life picked up, my inspiration to write dwindled, and feeling like I had no audience, I had nothing holding me accountable to keep talking.

It wasn’t until June of 2018–two years later–that I would pick the hobby of blogging back up. I moved platforms, (hello WordPress), revamped the logo and layout, and was determined to write again. Little did I know, I would write a post that really put me on the map the same day.

On June 13, 2018, I wrote and published, What My Anxiety Does to Me (And How It Affects You). It was born out of my frustration of not being understood by those closest to me and their lack of ability to understand even when I attempted to explain. Truthfully, the post was born from a place of struggle, a place of anger, a place of defeat.

That post brought me over 100 views, along with numerous messages, Facebook comments, and phone calls of support. It completely changed my relationships for the better, and the way I felt about myself and my illness. That post has since been published on Thought Catalog, Yahoo!, and The Mighty.

As of right now, the moment I am writing this, I have published 16 posts, gained 618 visitors, and reached 1,003 views on my blog.

I have all of you to thank for that.

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you for your support, for your subscriptions, your kind messages, and your follows. Thank you for encouraging me that I have something valuable to say, and that others are listening. Thank you for hearing me, for advocating for me, and for holding me accountable.

I feel so blessed and so fortunate to have the amazing support that I do. Blogging has brought me an experience unlike any other. It has brought me an outlet for my thoughts, a place to be creative, a way to use my quick-typing skills, new friends, better friendships, and a new view of life.

I will continue writing, I will continue speaking, continue advocating, and continue to push myself.

Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for the opportunities you have provided me. I will do my best to use them to make a difference.